Peter: And, now, here’s Wade with the cute ending.

Peter: And, now, here’s Wade with the cute ending.
Wade, covered in blood, holding a knife: I thought you said cult ending

Tony: Hello my beautiful son, just wondering did you eat my humus as it seems to have disappeared and I was so looking forward to it.

Tony: Hello my beautiful son, just wondering did you eat my humus as it seems to have disappeared and I was so looking forward to it.
Peter: ..maybe
Tony: Fucker

“Vampires are always like “I could kill you if I wanted”, like? Yeah? So could another…”

“Vampires are always like “I could kill you if I wanted”, like? Yeah? So could another human being. So could a dog. So could a dedicated duck. You aren’t special.”

Wade Wilson, after meeting Dracula

Peter: I came out to have a good time and I’m honestly feeling so attacked right now

Peter: I came out to have a good time and I’m honestly feeling so attacked right now
Wade: I came out to attack people and I’m honestly having such a good time right now.

Peter: Do you have any skeletons in your closet?

Peter: Do you have any skeletons in your closet?
Wade: Literally or figuratively?
Peter: Wade, honestly, the fact that I have to specify-

Peter: Dad, why are there tides?

Peter: Dad, why are there tides?
Steve: [panicking] The moon is trying to steal our water but it’s very bad at it

Wade Wilson: I didn’t steal that painting! I have no appreciation for art! Ask anyone!

Wade Wilson: I didn’t steal that painting! I have no appreciation for art! Ask anyone!