Peter Parker: I always have a note in my pocket that says “Deadpool did it” just in case I’m murdered because I don’t want him to remarry

Peter Parker: I always have a note in my pocket that says “Deadpool did it” just in case I’m murdered because I don’t want him to remarry

Peter: It’s your word against mine.

Peter: It’s your word against mine.
Wade: Let’s do it
Peter: What?
Wade: You selected the word “what”. Big mistake, buddy. I choose… shenanigan.

Peter Parker: I wonder what people who type ‘u’ instead of ‘you’ do with all their free time

Peter Parker: I wonder what people who type ‘u’ instead of ‘you’ do with all their free time

Wade: Compliment me.

Wade: Compliment me.
Peter: Uh, you, you have eyes.
Wade:
Wade: [shrugs] I’ll take it.

Peter: [orders pizza] What a night.

Peter: [orders pizza] What a night.
Peter: [feels phone buzz]
Peter: And a text? Killing it
Peter: [checks phone] Okay that was the pizza confirmation, but still

Tony: Hello my beautiful son, just wondering did you eat my humus as it seems to have disappeared and I was so looking forward to it.

Tony: Hello my beautiful son, just wondering did you eat my humus as it seems to have disappeared and I was so looking forward to it.
Peter: ..maybe
Tony: Fucker

Wade: I’m 80% pizza, 20% water and 100% swag.

Wade: I’m 80% pizza, 20% water and 100% swag.
Peter: That’s 200%.
Wade: I’m twice the man you’ll ever be.